The Story of Lori contains many messages, I believe.  Messages of love and of loss, of pain and of healing, of anger and of forgiveness and finally of redemption and salvation, all through the grace of God.

As I was reading her story once again, a few days after Lori’s death, however, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a horribly uncomfortable feeling as God, Himself, began to charge me with two very serious sins against him.

Failure to Know

I did not KNOW my wonderful wife was not saved.  I had only assumed.  The one person on earth I cared for the most and, foolishly, I did not know.

“How could I know, Lord?” I appealed His charge, “She seemed to be!”

“She was raised in the church.  We attended services.” although, I admitted, until recently, only occasionally. “We were married in a Christian ceremony!”

“She believed in you, God.”  A fact proven by her anger towards Him following Lilly’s death.

“She acted as a Christian should.  Always loving, caring and compassionate, always helping others, even those she had never met before.  How could I know, Lord?”

“You only had to ask.” God’s voice echoed in my head, “You only had to ask.”

Failure to Act

Throughout Lori’s ordeal of dealing with her loss I tried everything I knew to help her, or so I thought. I was compassionate and caring.  I was understanding of her pain and sorrow.  I took her to her doctor and made certain she took her medications.

As a Christian, I encouraged her to pray and to ask God for help and understanding. I prayed for her myself.

“What did I do wrong, Lord?” I asked.

“You never once took her hand, knelt down and prayed WITH her.” was His answer.

Had she been in the hospital, battling a serious illness, that would have been my natural action. But as the agonizing depression and anger took their toll on her, little by little, as seriously as any illness, I took no action, save what I thought I could do myself.

I hung my head in shame, tears in my eyes, pondering the severity of my sins, asking God for His forgiveness.

As I did, His reassuring voice filled my thoughts “You are already forgiven, for you know my Son, and He has already paid the price for you.”